I'm passing your future prison.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
