bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
