this beer tastes like vomit already
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
