Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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