I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
