did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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