Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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