she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
