I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
