oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
