i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
