ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
