I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
