My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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