I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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