at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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