my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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