If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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