you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need a beard to bite.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize