3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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