quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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