i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
