So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
