I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
