I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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