I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
