Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
