All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
