I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
