Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
