I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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