I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
