I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
