It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
