He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
