Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Drunk is not a location!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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