Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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