Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
