I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
