Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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