My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
as a side note pls kill me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I had to cum in my sink.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize