bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
