dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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