i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
