i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
