Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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