He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
