Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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