call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
