She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
