Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
