i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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