I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
