my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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