he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
