she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
