I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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