I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
