Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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