Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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