He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
