I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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