um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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