The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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