the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
