Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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