i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
