mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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