you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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