He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Let's paint friendship bongs
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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