What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
