i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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