apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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